The Night Before

January 5, 2009

I leave tomorrow (Monday) for Sarasota for 3 months.  The night before I leave is always so hard.  I love my hubby and my friends and the roots I have put down, it is always so bittersweet when I have to leave for extended times to do what I love so much.  It’s such a terrible mix of emotions.  Most of the time all I do is just sit with Tim and laugh, talk and cry.

It’s hard.  It would be very easy for me to put up a wall and move into independent mode and act as I don’t care before I even leave to make it easier to leave.  But that would be dishonest. I do care, and I am not independent when I am home…nor do I want to be. Life with Tim is awesome, and it’s always tough to leave it.

I used to be able to pick up and go whenever and wherever I pleased without a care. But that is before I cared about people.  I moved so much as a child, I never put down roots and knew somewhere in my psyche that’d I’d be gone soon enough so my care went to God and my immediate family. They were the only constant.

But now I have a new constant, Tim, and others whom I have developed close ties with.  And I revel in it for what little time I am home until I have to pack up and go away again.

Don’t get me wrong. I am looking forward to being in Sarasota.  Singing and meeting new people is always fun and an amazing adventure. And it is only 3 months.  But I notice many of the singers I know or have come into contact with who have become incredibly successful have developed a thick wall around themselves.  Many don’t seem personable. They are nice, but you can’t get too deep. I think I know why now. It’s too hard to let too many, or anyone in, just to get up and leave a week or two later.

I have chosen for that not to be my fate – even though it is harder.  That is not a good life to me. The life I have is wonderful, and we weren’t made to walk around being careful and protecting ourselves from potential pain. It ain’t easy, but I guess that is my cross to bare.


One Response to “The Night Before”

  1. George Says:

    Hey you. Hope the Sarasota wether is treating you well. I was thinking of you on Friday when I spoke with one of the ship’s chaplains. He is from Yaley, AR, right next to Harrison. Spoke of the Turkey Trot and the Crawfish Festival. THought they might sound familiar. Hope Sarasota treats you well. If you need a place to go to the beach. Let me know. My Dad’s is a block from the beach on Siesta Key. Talk to you soon.

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